Question – is anyone else having that ‘should we have another?’ internal debate and thinking ‘shouldn’t I just KNOW???’

(FYI – I’m referring to children rather than say, biscuits, where of course the answer would be ‘absolutely – finish the packet before anyone else notices’)

But seriously, is there some kind of ‘time for number two!’ alarm that just kicks in one day? Everyone else seems so sure; ‘Oh, we always knew we wanted more’ or ‘nope, we’re one and done!’… is it weird to be so indecisive?

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On the one hand, I always imagined having more than one – I’m from a big family myself and always pictured two kids running around the garden, splashing each other in the pool on summer holidays, opening their presents side by side on Christmas Day (yes, I know this is the rose-tinted version where I have conveniently edited out one screaming because the other looked at her funny/sat in her space/breathed too loudly…just let me dream ). BUT – there’s no hiding from the fact that I found that first year of motherhood incredibly tough physically, mentally and emotionally; would it be easier the second time around, or would it break me? And then there’s the logistics of it all – it takes two of us running around like headless chickens all day to negotiate the whole ‘getting ready/work/nursery/chores/meals/pick-ups/drop-offs/tantrums/bath/more-tantrums/bedtime/PLEASE go to bed/bedtime-take-two/thank f*ck, she’s finally asleep’ obstacle course that is our daily life…how does that even work when there’s double trouble? It must be like herding cats…

And it’s not that Miss O isn’t enough, she’s ace (a bit of an arse sometimes, but overall, I’m giving her a pretty high mark). But I worry that she might be lonely as an only child, or that it might be harder for her when we’re older and there’s nobody to share the load. But then again, it’s not like buying an extra rabbit at ‘Pets At Home’ so the other one has company is it? She has a gaggle of cousins, lots of peer interaction at nursery, play groups etc, so she’s certainly not lacking in that department at the moment…

But then AGAIN, again, they say that you never regret the things you do, only the things you don’t. And I don’t feel ready to say that all these amazing ‘firsts’ we’re experiencing with Miss O will be the lasts, the onlys. And yet, I don’t get that yearning ‘my family isn’t complete’ feeling that so many other mums talk about. I know that life as a three would still be lovely, and in no way lesser, just different.

And THEN, even if we DID decide to crack on, I’m acutely aware that it’s not as simple as that, we may not even be able to have another – Mother Nature can be a bit of a twunt that way. And that’s not even going into the whole other question of ‘when?’, at which point you start bringing age gaps and house size and financials and maternity leave etc. etc. into the equation…eek!

God I hope that Domino’s delivers to this fence I seem to be firmly wedged on!

So, guys and gals, in a very meandering kind of way, I’m asking you (but I do appreciate that there are many situations in which the choice is made for you), did you just know? Am I overthinking this? Or were you/are you as indecisive as I am??

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “How do you know if you’re ready to have another?

  1. My son will be turning 2 in August and I have been wanting another baby for a while now. Another boy or a little girl I would be happy either way. My partner thinks I’m crazy for wanting more but he is warming up to the idea. I have always known that I would like to have more than 1 child, for a long time I always said I wanted to have 3 kids but our house simply isn’t big enough for 3 kids so I know if I was to have another it would be my last. But like you I just don’t know when the ‘perfect time’ will be. Shall we start trying to conceive right away? It took me a while to conceive my son. We’re getting married in 2020, shall we have one before we get married or after? Does my son even want a brother or a sister? Who knows! I am strong believer in everything happens for a reason, before I had my son I was trying to get pregnant for just under a year. Me and my partner are both young, relatively fit, healthy, don’t smoke, hardly drink but for whatever reason it just wasn’t happening for us. We carried on with our lives, we both got new jobs, we moved into a new house and not long after I found out i was pregnant. if I am meant to have another then I will but who knows when xxx

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    1. It’s so hard isn’t it?? And as I get older, I feel like my ‘perfect time’ windows are rapidly decreasing! I think I’m so used to being in control of everything and doing things in an exact order/to an exact schedule, it’s hard to let that go and go with the flow a bit more, to resign yourself to the fact that things are outside of your control and there is no ‘perfect time’… X

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  2. I completely and totally agree with you. Maybe there is no perfect time? When I had my first I could look back and pick it apart ‘maybe we should have saved a bit more money’ ‘maybe we should have got married first’ ‘maybe we should have bought our house first before having a baby’ but all I know is that having a baby is what I wanted. However with your second I feel it’s different because you know what to expect so you wonder whether you’re ready for that again and you think about the child you’ve already got. ‘Will they want a sibling?’ ‘Will they get along?’ ‘Will I be able to cope’ My partner is an only child and doesn’t see the issue with our son being one too but I have a sister and we’re really close and I would love for my son to have a sibling he could be close with as well xxx

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    1. Yes!! I think there’s A LOT more second-guessing after one, because you have all that experience and those things you struggled with to balance up, and you feel like you’re working to capacity, loving to capacity, already…you know from the experience of others that there will always be room for one more, but it still seems a much bigger leap! X

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      1. Absolutely! And that’s something I think and worry about a lot. If I was to have another would I love them like I love my first? I’m sure I would but it’s just I love my son more than anything and it’s hard to imagine loving someone else just as much. My friend has just had another baby and she told me she worried about the same thing during her second pregnancy but she said the moment they placed that baby in her arms she loved him just as much as her other son and doesn’t know why she was ever worried in the first place. She said it’s hard to explain but it’s like your heart grows and makes room for another. I get that but like you said, it just seems like a much bigger leap! xxx

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