Question – is anyone else having that ‘should we have another?’ internal debate and thinking ‘shouldn’t I just KNOW???’
(FYI – I’m referring to children rather than say, biscuits, where of course the answer would be ‘absolutely – finish the packet before anyone else notices’)
But seriously, is there some kind of ‘time for number two!’ alarm that just kicks in one day? Everyone else seems so sure; ‘Oh, we always knew we wanted more’ or ‘nope, we’re one and done!’… is it weird to be so indecisive?
On the one hand, I always imagined having more than one – I’m from a big family myself and always pictured two kids running around the garden, splashing each other in the pool on summer holidays, opening their presents side by side on Christmas Day (yes, I know this is the rose-tinted version where I have conveniently edited out one screaming because the other looked at her funny/sat in her space/breathed too loudly…just let me dream ). BUT – there’s no hiding from the fact that I found that first year of motherhood incredibly tough physically, mentally and emotionally; would it be easier the second time around, or would it break me? And then there’s the logistics of it all – it takes two of us running around like headless chickens all day to negotiate the whole ‘getting ready/work/nursery/chores/meals/pick-ups/drop-offs/tantrums/bath/more-tantrums/bedtime/PLEASE go to bed/bedtime-take-two/thank f*ck, she’s finally asleep’ obstacle course that is our daily life…how does that even work when there’s double trouble? It must be like herding cats…
And it’s not that Miss O isn’t enough, she’s ace (a bit of an arse sometimes, but overall, I’m giving her a pretty high mark). But I worry that she might be lonely as an only child, or that it might be harder for her when we’re older and there’s nobody to share the load. But then again, it’s not like buying an extra rabbit at ‘Pets At Home’ so the other one has company is it? She has a gaggle of cousins, lots of peer interaction at nursery, play groups etc, so she’s certainly not lacking in that department at the moment…
But then AGAIN, again, they say that you never regret the things you do, only the things you don’t. And I don’t feel ready to say that all these amazing ‘firsts’ we’re experiencing with Miss O will be the lasts, the onlys. And yet, I don’t get that yearning ‘my family isn’t complete’ feeling that so many other mums talk about. I know that life as a three would still be lovely, and in no way lesser, just different.
And THEN, even if we DID decide to crack on, I’m acutely aware that it’s not as simple as that, we may not even be able to have another – Mother Nature can be a bit of a twunt that way. And that’s not even going into the whole other question of ‘when?’, at which point you start bringing age gaps and house size and financials and maternity leave etc. etc. into the equation…eek!
God I hope that Domino’s delivers to this fence I seem to be firmly wedged on!
So, guys and gals, in a very meandering kind of way, I’m asking you (but I do appreciate that there are many situations in which the choice is made for you), did you just know? Am I overthinking this? Or were you/are you as indecisive as I am??