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1 – Start a swear jar. Then, let the kids loose in the living room with that giant box of assorted Lego/Shopkins/Kinder crap (I KNOW you have one!) and invite your extended family round to join the fun. Insist on a ‘no shoes inside’ policy. You’ll be a millionaire by lunch time.
So, I was driving Miss O home after a rather uneventful day involving a pootle around the shops and a trip to the library. It was pouring with rain, but we were in high spirits given that we’d seen not one, but TWO yellow cars, and an excellent variety of doggies, including a Dalmatian (which, if you’re as big a fan of Marshall from Paw Patrol as she is, is akin to clocking Taylor Swift sashaying down your local high street…)
After a minute or so of silence, I caught a glimpse of her in my mirror. She was absolutely beaming in my direction.
Question – is anyone else having that ‘should we have another?’ internal debate and thinking ‘shouldn’t I just KNOW???’
(FYI – I’m referring to children rather than say, biscuits, where of course the answer would be ‘absolutely – finish the packet before anyone else notices’)
But seriously, is there some kind of ‘time for number two!’ alarm that just kicks in one day? Everyone else seems so sure; ‘Oh, we always knew we wanted more’ or ‘nope, we’re one and done!’… is it weird to be so indecisive?
Everyone tells you how much your life will change once you’ve had a baby, but until you’re actually living it, it’s impossible to appreciate just how far the goal posts have been moved. Or just how much of your brain will be taken up with Peppa Pig trivia…
After another delightful wake up at ‘f*ck me it’s early!’ o’clock this morning (I can’t believe I used to think 6am was an early start; I’d sell my soul for that kind of lie-in these days), I thought I’d jot down a few pre-baby/post-baby me comparisons…
My main source of foot pain pre-parenthood was stupidly high heels. Now, it’s the Lego assault course masquerading as my living room floor.
The only chart I paid any attention to was the Top 100. These days my Google history is strewn with growth charts, milestone charts, food charts… I’ve only JUST unfavourited 50 Shades of Shite, also known as that perennial treat for the eyes, ‘Baby Poo – A Visual Guide’
We’re goin’ on a bear hunt
(She’ll never sleep without it)
Why didn’t we buy a spare one??
(YOU said we didn’t need one!)
But we’re not scared!
(We’re really shit-scared)
Where the fuck could he be?
(Where THE FUCK could he be?!?)
MAYBE we left him in Aldi…
Uh-uh! The Middle Aisle!
The chock-a-bloc, odd-o’clock Middle Aisle
We can’t go over it.
We can’t go under it.
We’ve got to go through it! Oooh look – a lawnmower!
(We haven’t got time for this…) I’ve always wanted a popcorn maker!
(Put that down or you’ll meet your maker…) A pet crate!
(FFS!) BALLS – no sign of the bloody bear.
My husband has just purchased tickets for ‘Peppa Pig’s Adventure!’ at our local theatre, and it’s hard to tell who’s more excited (well, once you’ve ruled me out, as I’m struggling to think of anything worse than spending an hour and 20 minutes in her company).
The Peppa Pig phase has hit us hard, with no end in sight. In fact, we’ve seen so many episodes, so many times, that I find myself thinking about it far too much! Read more
This week, our local Health Visitor Amanda came a-calling for Miss O’s 2-year check. If you have one coming up, here are my key takeaways from the experience!
1 – Despite knowing deep-down that this was a standard check on my child’s progress and not an examination of my parenting skills, five minutes before she arrived, I found myself casually laying out bowls of fruit and putting the CBeebies ballet on in a last-ditch attempt to look like I had my sh*t together (and cover up Miss O’s chronic addiction to Paw Patrol and Custard Creams).
So, I was Googling ‘Bing’ to prove to my husband that Coco is voiced by Topsy from ‘Topsy & Tim’ (because that’s the kind of important stuff we argue about these days) and it says that there are 78 episodes of this CBeebies stalwart in total.
In many ways, I envy all the mod cons of Miss O’s childhood; there’s no need for 30 rounds of ‘I Spy’ in the car when you have an iPad packed with Nick Jr episodes, and how about being able to catch up on your favourite shows WHENEVER you like, rather than hoping against hope that you Dad hasn’t recorded over the tape with the sodding snooker again?
BUT – after reminiscing with J the other night, I’ve realised just how many cornerstones of my youth she will never get to experience, and I’ve got to feel for her a bit!