Once upon a time, Mummy had strong, unwavering views on ‘the bedtime routine’. She had read the baby books, she had watched half an episode of Supernanny, she was sold on that Holy Trinity of ‘bath, book, bed’…she KNEW that consistency, patience and loving reassurance would teach her little cherub to skip off to bed with a spring in her step, a song in her heart, and a deeply ingrained desire to be fast asleep between the hours of 7pm and 7am.
Then, Mummy actually HAD a child… 🙈🤦♀️😂
Mummy has long since given up on the nightly bath, given that this tends to involve at least 15 minutes of coaxing her water-resistant offspring into it, 20 minutes of ear-shattering wails of “IT’S IN MY EYES!!!” and a half-dozen slippery laps around the bathroom chasing a dripping-wet preschooler…NO ONE has the time or sanity for that shit every day. Read more
Once upon a time, Mummy went for a little lie down.
This was partly because she was feeling ill, and partly because the thought of sitting through yet another ‘Oooh-Tube’ video of Blippi twatting about in a ballpit made her want to chew her own arm off and throw it at him repeatedly until he blacked out. So off she went.
Are you a busy parent hoping to make your money go further?? Look no further than these 6 top tips to boost your bank balance 😉:
1 – Start a swear jar. Then, let the kids loose in the living room with that giant box of assorted Lego/Shopkins/Kinder crap (I KNOW you have one!) and invite your extended family round to join the fun. Insist on a ‘no shoes inside’ policy. You’ll be a millionaire by lunch time.
So, I was driving Miss O home after a rather uneventful day involving a pootle around the shops and a trip to the library. It was pouring with rain, but we were in high spirits given that we’d seen not one, but TWO yellow cars, and an excellent variety of doggies, including a Dalmatian (which, if you’re as big a fan of Marshall from Paw Patrol as she is, is akin to clocking Taylor Swift sashaying down your local high street…)
After a minute or so of silence, I caught a glimpse of her in my mirror. She was absolutely beaming in my direction.
“I am SO happy!”
… I’m not going to lie, I welled up a bit.
Hands up who’s read ‘Guess How Much I Love You’?
It’s an interesting concept, trying to quantify love. Personally, I’d steer well clear of all that ‘to the moon and back’ nonsense – there are so many more meaningful declarations that parents can make!
It’s hot as hell at the moment, so it seemed as appropriate a time as any to visit that parental realm of eternal pain and suffering also known as CBeebies Land.
(Only kidding, I’m not sure how I’d have survived the last three years without those snatched minutes of peace courtesy of Mr Tumble and company!)
I’m going to preface the following with the undeniable fact that she absolutely loved it, and asked if we could come again tomorrow (hell to the no my lovely ).
Anyhoo, here are our key takeaways if you too are a glutton for punishment looking to drop a small fortune on branded tat, warm sandwiches and, of course, creating magical family memories etc. etc…
I rocked up to the nursery pick-up last week and heard the words I’d been dreading for months now…
Yup – we’d been landed with the sodding class bear for the weekend.
If you’d like to find out how Bertie enjoyed his stay, he’s created a lovely photo diary to share with you all!
(FYI – it goes without saying that this isn’t the EXACT draft I sent over to nursery )
Everyone tells you how much your life will change once you’ve had a baby, but until you’re actually living it, it’s impossible to appreciate just how far the goal posts have been moved. Or just how much of your brain will be taken up with Peppa Pig trivia…
After another delightful wake up at ‘f*ck me it’s early!’ o’clock this morning (I can’t believe I used to think 6am was an early start; I’d sell my soul for that kind of lie-in these days), I thought I’d jot down a few pre-baby/post-baby me comparisons…
- My main source of foot pain pre-parenthood was stupidly high heels. Now, it’s the Lego assault course masquerading as my living room floor.
- The only chart I paid any attention to was the Top 100. These days my Google history is strewn with growth charts, milestone charts, food charts… I’ve only JUST unfavourited 50 Shades of Shite, also known as that perennial treat for the eyes, ‘Baby Poo – A Visual Guide’