And the Oscar goes to…

I always fancied myself as a bit of an actress at school, despite the fact that my most significant roles were ‘leper number 4’ in Jesus Christ Superstar and the main man himself in Pudsey Bear: The Musical! (yes, that was an actual show, and no, thankfully there is no photographic evidence).

I probably won’t be treading the boards again anytime soon, but it turns out that being a mother affords me PLENTY of opportunities to work on my acting skills!

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“How creative darling – no, mummy’s not crying…”

Some of my greatest acting challenges so far:
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Strangers say the strangest things…

After you’ve had a baby, it’s virtually impossible to get from A to B without being intercepted by at least a dozen well-meaning strangers keen to have a gander at the fruit of your loins and impart some grade A parenting wisdom.

I wanted to share some of my ‘favourite’ Miss O related comments with you!

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“What are you doing mama?”  – “Cherishing the moment darling…”

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The Mum Reflex

There are so many things in life that we do almost without thinking and have absolutely no control over – like saying “mind your head!” just AFTER someone’s knocked themself out, or automatically apologising when some eejit bumps into you in the street…

Since I’ve had Miss O I’ve found that, even when we’re not actually together, like when I’m at work or she’s managed to escape to Grandma’s,  I seem to be on some kind of permanent parent autopilot:

  • I find it physically impossible not to say “WEEEEEEEEE!!!”  when a child goes down a slide. If the child in question isn’t yours (and you’re not even WITH your child at the time!!) you run the very real risk of being labelled the park odd-bod…

 

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“Come away from the scary lady darling…”

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The alternative ‘must-have’ toys list

The other day, I read that companies are already putting together their lists of the ‘must-have’ children’s toys and gadgets for Christmas 2017.

It’s May, chuffing MAY!

Why this surprises me I really don’t know; advent calendars seem to hit the shops earlier every year, and who the actual f*ck is buying those Easter eggs they put out on Boxing Day…

But here’s the thing. When it comes to toddlers, these lists COMPLETELY miss the mark.

Sure, they might play with the toy for five minutes or so once you’ve spent the best part of an hour wrestling with the packaging, frantically untwisting 40 different plastic ties to the soundtrack of your little darling’s impatient screams (I’m absolutely convinced that it would be easier to break into Buckingham Palace than it is to free a  family of Sylvanians from their sodding box). But beyond that? It won’t even make their top 10…

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This is where all the cool toys are kept, right??

Here’s Miss O’s current list of ‘must-have’ toddler accessories: Read more