No thanks, I’ll get my own dinner…

When I was heavily pregnant with Miss O, hastily Googling everything I’d neglected to read up on over the past few months (like cramming for an exam you have absolutely no hope of passing) it genuinely never occurred to me that mealtimes might be one of the big issues. I think I just presumed that I would make something, my tiny human would eat it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

What a complete eejit.

So, if you too are enthusiastically cheerleading from the highchair sidelines every evening, willing your child to eat just ONE MORE SPOONFUL of something that hasn’t been dipped in E Numbers and fried in sugar, here are my top tips.

1 – It’s a scientifically proven fact that the longer you spend lovingly crafting veggie-packed, toddler-friendly culinary delights, the sooner you’ll be scraping it all into the bin whilst your toddler dry-heaves dramatically in the next room, incensed that you presented them with such slop. Please note; it’s totally okay to mutter obscenities into the bin at this point.

2 – Try putting their food on your own plate. Much like ex-boyfriends, snacks become infinitely more appealing when somebody else wants them. Take this to the next level by giving their food to another child. Your little angel may not want your poxy carrot sticks, but they’ll go batshit crazy if you let someone else gnaw on them.

3 – A foolproof recipe for when you have a little time on your hands. Place food items on the floor, ideally beneath the rug. Coat liberally with dust/hair/unidentifiable ick, and leave to rest (about a week should do it). Kids can’t get enough of that stuff. Bonus points for successful foraging sessions when the Health Visitor pops over…

4 – Make sure everyone else in the house is on board with the whole healthy eating malarkey. The chances of your little one finishing their dinner are dramatically reduced when someone (naming no names here, but he’s getting feck all for Father’s Day), waltzes in mid-meal with a marshmallow kebab covered in rainbow sprinkles. Dinner is now in the bin, the sprinkles are now in your hair, and Daddy’s now in the doghouse. Nobody wins.

5 – Relocate all meals to nursery. As part of their lifelong mission to make you look like a complete bullshitter in front of other people, your child will happily wolf down mixed-bean cassoulet, lamb and apricot tagine, basically ANYTHING that those magical nursery pixies whip up for them. FML.

6 – It’s time to bring out the big guns, aka “Here comes the choo choo train/aeroplane/monster truck!!!”. If your offspring is a fan of Postman Pat, try using one of his many vehicles here instead (see my previous post) – he’s rarely on time and always takes the most convoluted route, so with any luck you’ll lull your child into a false sense of security and get a few mouthfuls in whilst you still have the element of surprise.

7 – If all else fails, admit defeat and opt for one of the following pre-approved food groups:

– Anything shaped like a dinosaur/smiley face/woodland creature
– Anything battered and/or beige
– Anything produced by Cadbury

Hope that helps!

Rhyming with Wine

Island Living 365

Hot Pink Wellingtons
Mummuddlingthrough

24 thoughts on “Seven sure-fire tips for dealing with fussy eaters (warning – useful advice not included)

  1. Hahahaha…this is a brilliant post! Couldn’t stop laughing. Agree with number 5… serious, who are these magical pixie chefs at nurseries??? And number 3 – a classic!!!
    #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s always baffled me how a lovely home cooked meal gets rejected, but a 2 week old half chewed bit of rice cake from under the sofa will get hoovered up without question! I’ve pretty much admitted defeat and we eat far more chicken nuggets that I’d like to admit! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wish I had words of encouragement and tips to share with you lovely, but at the age of four my kid is still a blimmin nightmare when it comes to food. I keep telling myself that ‘this too shall pass!’. One day I’m sure he will eat me out of house and home, until then – I’m about to go and put mini waffles in the oven. Again. At least they’re a vegetable. In a way. #sharingthebloglove

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hehe this made me giggle. At the moment Dex consumes EVERY SINGLE THING that is placed in front of him, like some sort of human dustbin; I am sure this will all change as he reaches his toddler stage though!

    #SharingtheBlogLove

    Liked by 1 person

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