Are you a busy parent hoping to make your money go further?? Look no further than these 6 top tips to boost your bank balance 😉:

1 – Start a swear jar. Then, let the kids loose in the living room with that giant box of assorted Lego/Shopkins/Kinder crap (I KNOW you have one!) and invite your extended family round to join the fun. Insist on a ‘no shoes inside’ policy. You’ll be a millionaire by lunch time.


2 – Attempt a world record. Now apparently, they won’t pay you for the achievement itself, but you could be quids in afterwards with sponsorship and personal appearances. How hard can it be? I think we could have a really good crack at ‘most utterances of ‘oh for f*cks sake’ before breakfast’, or maybe ‘most consecutive days that person A manages to walk past the tower of laundry on the stairs before person B gives in and puts it away LIKE THEY ALWAYS SODDING DO’…

3 – Launch your own YouTube channel. But instead of watching overexcited oddbods opening surprise eggs and making slime, record yourself napping, drinking hot drinks WHEN THEY’RE ACTUALLY HOT, and having a shit with the door closed. That’s the kind of aspirational escapism parents need in their life right now…

4 – Capitalise on free days out. What’s Alton Towers got on that glass elevator your kid insists on riding a thousand times a week at Next? Why spend a fortune at the zoo when you can walk around ‘Pets At Home’ for free? Try and avoid making eye contact with staff members though – his badge might say ‘Jeff’ but his face definitely says ‘you serious lady? You pulled this crap last week! Buy a damn rabbit or f*ck off’…

5 – Set up a ‘meal rejection circle’ in your local community. When little Johnny has finished dry-heaving into the bin at the very sight of your ‘hidden vegetables’ pasta bake, pop it round to Sarah next door to save her the trouble of cooking her own bin-fodder before inevitably giving in and whipping out the Dairylea Dunkers. Give it a few weeks and you’ll save an absolute fortune, hours of chopping / swearing at Annabel Karmel AND minimise food wastage. Bargain!

6 – Resell all that stuff nobody wants anymore. And by ‘nobody’ I mean ‘you’ and by ‘stuff’ I mean ‘messy/musical/possessed-by-the-devil Toys-R-Us shite that well-meaning relatives have inadvertently ruined your life with’… #AbsolutelyNoRefunds

Follow these simple steps, and you’ll be swimming in dosh in no time! #parentlife

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