We’re goin’ on a bear hunt
(She’ll never sleep without it)
Why didn’t we buy a spare one??
(YOU said we didn’t need one!)
But we’re not scared!
(We’re really shit-scared)
Where the fuck could he be?
(Where THE FUCK could he be?!?)
MAYBE we left him in Aldi…
Uh-uh! The Middle Aisle!
The chock-a-bloc, odd-o’clock Middle Aisle
We can’t go over it.
We can’t go under it.
Oh no!
We’ve got to go through it!
Oooh look – a lawnmower!
(We haven’t got time for this…)
I’ve always wanted a popcorn maker!
(Put that down or you’ll meet your maker…)
A pet crate!
(FFS!)
BALLS – no sign of the bloody bear.
MAYBE we left him at soft play…
Uh-uh! A ball pit!
A deep, dark, hygienically-questionable ball pit.
We can’t go over it.
We can’t go under it.
Oh no!
We’ve got to go through it!
Squelch squerch!
(This bear’s SUCH a cock)
Squelch squerch!
(Something’s stuck to my sock!!)
Squelch squerch!
Which ABSOLUTE chump
Left their half-eaten Flump
In this grotty, snotty ball pit??
BOLLOCKS – no sign of the bloody bear.
MAYBE we left him at ‘Pets at Home’….
Uh-uh! Rabbits!
Cutsie, cuddlesome, ‘I REALLY REALLY WANT ONE MUM!!” rabbits.
We can’t go over them.
We can’t go under them.
We’ve got to go through them!
“PLEAAAASE – JUST ONE!”
(It’ll cost us a bomb!)
“PLEAAASE – I’ll LOOK AFTER IT!”
(It’ll shit on the carpet!)
“BUT I NEEEEED ONE THOUGH!”
For the last time, NO!!!
Sod it, let’s just go home…
WAIT!
WHAT’S THAT IN THE BOOT OF THE CAR??
One shiny nose!
Two big furry ears!
Two big goggly eyes!
IT’S BEAR!
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me…
Quick!
Drive home.
Open the door.
Up the stairs.
BEDTIME!
Phew.
Right then –
I’m goin’ on a wine hunt…
😂😂😂😂
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Love love love this, fabulous idea! #Triumphanttales
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Thank you! X
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Thank you! I was having Monday number two and this made me laugh my head off!
#TriumphantTales
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Glad it gave you a chuckle! 😀
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brings back nightmares of lost blue teddy, son recovered far quicker from the incident than I did though #triumphanttales
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Oh when we lost the giraffe toy. I was hunting for the wine afterwards too 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #coolmumclub
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It’s so stressful isn’t it??? 😂😥
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Love a parody! I used Bear Hunt for a Christmas one…. That bloody middle aisle at Aldi 😂
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I just can’t resist buying random crap from it! 😂😂
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I have so been there! Brilliant parody #coolmumclub
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Thanks Claire! Xx
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That’s so great! We’ve all been there … 😉
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Thank you! X
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We’ve all been there! I always tell new parents…buy TWO! (Although I did that and now she ‘needs’ two… one in each hand!)
Fab poem, really funny… thanks for linking to #coolmumclub
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Haha!! We are equally terrified of loosing our kids’ favourite toys! #blogcrush
Cheshire SEN Tutor
http://Www.senresourcesblog.com
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Just. Brilliant. We ended up buying three ‘bears’. I even bought duplicate ones off Ebay when M&S stopped making them! Thanks for joining in at #TriumphantTales
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Thanks Jaki! X
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Amazing! Husband and I just read this together and were cackling!
And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂
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Thank you! X
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