When I was heavily pregnant with Miss O, hastily Googling everything I’d neglected to read up on over the past few months (like cramming for an exam you have absolutely no hope of passing) it genuinely never occurred to me that mealtimes might be one of the big issues. I think I just presumed that I would make something, my tiny human would eat it, and we’d all move on with our lives.
What a complete eejit.
So, if you too are enthusiastically cheerleading from the highchair sidelines every evening, willing your child to eat just ONE MORE SPOONFUL of something that hasn’t been dipped in E Numbers and fried in sugar, here are my top tips.
1 – It’s a scientifically proven fact that the longer you spend lovingly crafting veggie-packed, toddler-friendly culinary delights, the sooner you’ll be scraping it all into the bin whilst your toddler dry-heaves dramatically in the next room, incensed that you presented them with such slop. Please note; it’s totally okay to mutter obscenities into the bin at this point.
2 – Try putting their food on your own plate. Much like ex-boyfriends, snacks become infinitely more appealing when somebody else wants them. Take this to the next level by giving their food to another child. Your little angel may not want your poxy carrot sticks, but they’ll go batshit crazy if you let someone else gnaw on them.
3 – A foolproof recipe for when you have a little time on your hands. Place food items on the floor, ideally beneath the rug. Coat liberally with dust/hair/unidentifiable ick, and leave to rest (about a week should do it). Kids can’t get enough of that stuff. Bonus points for successful foraging sessions when the Health Visitor pops over…
4 – Make sure everyone else in the house is on board with the whole healthy eating malarkey. The chances of your little one finishing their dinner are dramatically reduced when someone (naming no names here, but he’s getting feck all for Father’s Day), waltzes in mid-meal with a marshmallow kebab covered in rainbow sprinkles. Dinner is now in the bin, the sprinkles are now in your hair, and Daddy’s now in the doghouse. Nobody wins.
5 – Relocate all meals to nursery. As part of their lifelong mission to make you look like a complete bullshitter in front of other people, your child will happily wolf down mixed-bean cassoulet, lamb and apricot tagine, basically ANYTHING that those magical nursery pixies whip up for them. FML.
6 – It’s time to bring out the big guns, aka “Here comes the choo choo train/aeroplane/monster truck!!!”. If your offspring is a fan of Postman Pat, try using one of his many vehicles here instead (see my previous post) – he’s rarely on time and always takes the most convoluted route, so with any luck you’ll lull your child into a false sense of security and get a few mouthfuls in whilst you still have the element of surprise.
7 – If all else fails, admit defeat and opt for one of the following pre-approved food groups:
– Anything shaped like a dinosaur/smiley face/woodland creature
– Anything battered and/or beige
– Anything produced by Cadbury
Hope that helps!
Pass the wine please 
Hahaha. Brilliant! I have to say that number 2 really works everytime. #FridayFrolics
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Glad you liked it!
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These are awesome tips I wish I’d had when raising my son, but will apply them now to my grandchildren. Some are intuitive but placing items under the rug is brilliant! #FridayFrolics
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Works like a charm 😉
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Brilliant. I always found they filled up on at toddler groups on all the old raisins they found on the floor and in the toy boxes. Still one of their 5 a day, right? Loved this post. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
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Totally – and those ball ponds are basically a huge, unhygenic lucky dip! 🙂
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Hahahaha…this is a brilliant post! Couldn’t stop laughing. Agree with number 5… serious, who are these magical pixie chefs at nurseries??? And number 3 – a classic!!!
#FridayFrolics
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Glad you liked it Nicole – I know, I’m thinking of checking if the nursery does takeaway…
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Hahahaha, that’s a brilliant idea;)
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Hi, a greatcoat post number two especially made me chuckle with the comparison to an ex boyfriend #SharetheBlogLove
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The only way Peachy will eat eggs is off my plate. On her own plate eggs are clearly poison. On my plate they are a delicacy. #FridayFrolics
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Glad it’s not just me! 🙂
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Ha ha, this is so brilliant. What is it about stealing food from someone else’s plate that makes it taste so different?
#SharingtheBlogLove
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Yes it may be the same for adults too lol – whatever my husband orders in a restaurant always gives me major food envy!!
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It’s always baffled me how a lovely home cooked meal gets rejected, but a 2 week old half chewed bit of rice cake from under the sofa will get hoovered up without question! I’ve pretty much admitted defeat and we eat far more chicken nuggets that I’d like to admit! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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I wish I had words of encouragement and tips to share with you lovely, but at the age of four my kid is still a blimmin nightmare when it comes to food. I keep telling myself that ‘this too shall pass!’. One day I’m sure he will eat me out of house and home, until then – I’m about to go and put mini waffles in the oven. Again. At least they’re a vegetable. In a way. #sharingthebloglove
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My youngest is such a fussy eater and I do nothing different to what I did and do with my eldest! It’s the most frustrating thing ever!!!! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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Lol love this! Finally a non BS tips guide to fussy eaters. I used to be a big fan of relocating meals to anyone else who I could rope in!
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I remember this well. I say remember, 8 years on and nothing much has changed. Keep going though! #SharingtheBlogLove
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Haha I love this. Funnily enough anything made by Cadburys is a hit here too – weird hey? #sharingthebloglove
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Thank you 😀yes they all love a chocolate button don’t they! X
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Well the is amazing and definitely put a smile on my face tonight thank you lovely ❤ #coolmumclub
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Hehe this made me giggle. At the moment Dex consumes EVERY SINGLE THING that is placed in front of him, like some sort of human dustbin; I am sure this will all change as he reaches his toddler stage though!
#SharingtheBlogLove
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